How to Get Over a BFF Breakup?
A breakup with your best friend can hit you like the grenade you obviously never expected. As opposed to the endings of a romantic relationship which the world’s literature, cinema and music has familiarised you with, the end of a friendship is something you never knew was possible. Nobody tells you that sharing half of the BFF engraved heart trinket with your soul-sister is not going to protect you from the harsh realities of growing up and apart. While a romantic break up hurts like a bitch, you at least have your bestie to confide your sorrows in, but when she walks away you are left stranded all alone.
Though we pray you never have to live this heartbreak, we want to share a few ways of getting over the bff breakup and moving on.
1. Keep yourself busy
Now this does not imply that you burden your life with mind numbing work and turn into a zombie. Keeping busy could also mean developing a new hobby or discovering a new passion that enriches your life. It could be pilates, learning guitar, finally learning a new language, starting a blog, yoga, painting and so on. You catch the drift. The more occupied your mind is, the less time it will have to drift away to sad thoughts.
2. Go forth with the social media purge
Petty as it may sound, you gotta do what you gotta do. There is no shame in not wanting to see the face of the person you once called friend. If you think deleting is going too far, thankfully Instagram has the mute option which is a blessing. However, in case your ex-friend deletes/mutes/unfriends you first, apply the same logic and be understanding. Out of sight out of mind does really work!
3. Stop blaming yourself or her
Let’s be honest, it wasn’t your fault! It was her the damn bitch!
But wait, what if she feels the same way?
Just be mature and admit that things didn’t work out because there was something lacking from both ends. It may be human nature to always find someone to blame for all that is messed up in life but let’s try and be superhuman about all this, shall we? Rise up from the blame game that ultimately does no good. It is a vicious cycle that will keep you stuck in that spiral forever without providing you any closure that you so desperately need.
4. Get a therapist
It’s 2019 and if you are reading this you pretty much know that there is no shame in seeking a therapist. Sure you may think that it sounds weird when your grown-up ass admits to a professional that you are there because your bff left you, but the issue is not as shallow as you think and the therapist understands that. We have a habit of trivialising an issue when we share it with the world because we don’t want to expose how vulnerable we were to actually get as hurt as we did. While you may not be able to open up to your friends and family, a third person who comes with fresh perspective and an unbiased opinion can provide great insight with no judgement.
5. Seek closure
In a perfect world, breakups of all magnitude and kinds would be amicable and handled in a mature mutual manner. However, this isn’t a perfect world and we are not perfect mortals.
In most cases of bff breakups, people drift apart into a cold war zone that turns into a proper war where attacks in the form of allegations and accusations are fired from both ends. There are tears and you may part ways with a forced smile but you both know it’s over because there’s too much bad blood now. In such a scenario, closure is not only recommended, it is mandatory. Do what you have to for this closure - send an apology letter so that you let it all out, donate away her gifts to you, hide your pictures together or anything that might work for you.
6. Stop dreaming about a patch-up
Please please please stop fantasising about a patch up.
It is a best case scenario indeed but chances are it wont happen. Is it comforting to think that one day you will be like you were once you both decide to move on? Sure!
Hanging on to a hope that merely a mirage, can do more damage than good. The laws of the ‘The secret’ do not apply to this case. If you are still hoping to get back to the bff status, you are being delusional and self destructive.
This doesn’t mean that the patch up is not possible. It maybe, but to keep pining for it is not good for you!
7. Be indifferent but civilized
In case you have the same circle or live in the same city, there are chances you will bump into each other on occasion. When this happens, you need to stay calm to avoid any potential embarrassing moves.
Hate is supposed to be love gone bad, but you have really moved on when you are indifferent towards that person. And in case you haven’t reached that phase yet, fake it till you escape it?
Is it the best advice? Maybe not! But it is the safest thing to do to ensure nobody including you, your ex-bff and the people around you do not get uncomfortable.
8. Open Up
This one is the most important in the long run. Once your soul-sister is out of the picture, you need to be open to the possibility of new girlfriends who you could grow fond of.
Replacing her is not an option, as is the case with any human being because all of us are unique and so are our bonds with each one of them.
Stay open to new people and new relationships. Go with the flow and let the sisterhood do it’s magic!
Having stated all these steps that will lead you to a healed future, do not rush it. We are all different and we all take our own time to deal with things. Some of us may get through the bff breakup in a month and for some of us it may take years, and that is okay. You also need to keep in mind how old the friendship was. You cannot expect to move on from a person who was a sister to you since kindergarten, in a month or even a year. Healing is process and it is of utmost important heal completely, so do not try to shimmy through it.
In the end, remember that no matter how hard it is, it will get better and you will actually be stronger. Knowing that you can move on from one of the most integral parts of your life is a revelation that shows that you are ultimately a survivor!