Sane The Virgin
Virginity is often considered a Virtue.
After all ‘Mother’ Mary was a virgin (apparently) & most Indian deities were born out of miracles and never sex. Mythology and Religion could have very well been a ploy to deviate humans from their sexualities and bury them in volumes of deeply intellectual text, it is no wonder then, that be it Christianity, Islam or Hinduism the idea of ‘saving yourself’ to be ‘blossomed’ only after completing your wedding vows is the norm.
Norms however have always been the cause for healthy rebellion and pre-marital sex is on such act. While you read this you might wonder how sex is not a big deal at all for your generation, but well you are surprisingly wrong!
Sure, we are well exposed to sexual content in the age of the Internet, but what you don’t realize is that this over-exposure to borderline pornographic material actually creates a “fear of intimacy” as per recent scientific studies which is ultimately leading the millennials to lose their virginities a lot later than the previous generations.
Well we are no psychologists and so without diving into the reasoning, we instead want to share an excerpt from the life of a 24 year old girl who is a fashion stylist, and also just happens to be a virgin.
Let’s call her Sane The Virgin (Sorry, if you don’t get the word play!)
“I am considered to be a bit too extra."
She says she has often been tagged as Extra tall, extra weird, extra dark and extra loud, extra rude and extra ambitious. In spite of being from a small town, she has been educated at a well known boarding school in India so her exposure to Pop culture which in this age is the equivalent of PornHub is assured. Post her schooling Sane, went on to study Fashion in India & abroad. Again if you know anything about the fashion industry, it's a field well known for it's openness to the broad nature of sexuality. The point of mentioning her educational and vocational background is not to invite you to offer her suitable jobs, but only to indicate the fact that she hasn’t lived in the orthodox bubble that small towns in India are known to create for their girls. We are talking about a well educated, well exposed, well travelled girl who is single and a virgin.
Sane has always believed that being in a relationship requires effort and somehow she has never liked anyone to an extent that she would be willing to invest in it at all.
“I have come a long way in rejecting boys for sex and being rejected by them for it as well. One said I am too old for a ‘first time’. The other said I should watch more porn so that I want it more.”
It’s quite clear that she did try to make it work with guys but we all know how ignorant (read 'what jerks') men can be. Ultimately their comments made her extremely self conscious so much so that she couldn’t even talk to boys when they approached her with interest.
"I AM A BADASS for saying no to all those boys!"
“I thought I was being traditional, I started to doubt myself. I thought I am being wrong by saying NO. It got so worse that I doubted my sexual preference too.”
She comes from a family where mentioning the three lettered word in an open conversation is a taboo let alone discussing it. The only time they would mention men with regards to her was well, when they brought up marriage. Like any other family that constitutes majority of this nation, hers wanted her to get married as soon as she was through with her education to a ‘decent well settled’ guy. Annoyed by the constant badgering, Sane did what many other girls do (who can afford to) to save herself from being tied down to the guy of her parents’ dreams.
“I flew (eloped) to Milan for my second masters”
To her amazement, her parents were quite understanding once she was in Italy. So much so, that they made it clear to her that they had no objections to her marrying an Italian as well. Then to not her amazement they started discussing her acne!
My mother asked me to get rid of my acne because 'which family is going to accept a girl with bad skin?’ and my father asked me to ‘take care of it’.
Ever wonder about Indian parents’ concerns over their girl’s acne?
Acne for most of them is like a symbolic layer, which once shed (like a snakeskin of course!) will prepare their daughter for the next phase in her life and ensure that their beloved Barbie finds the best available Ken on the Indian matrimonial market.
Sane did revert to them with an explanation of how it is hormonal and it is a part of her existence, post which they very kindly backed off.
“I wish I could tell that to everyone approaching me constantly with uncomfortable questions followed by some unwanted advice revolving around my Acne”
All of these things combined led her to a therapist.
“Thank God for the therapist”
Sane’s outtake from her therapy was that she was actually sane!
She realised that her willingness to say ‘NO’ to a male was not a reflection of her lags in life but a proof of her strength while them saying 'NO' to her should really not be her headache. Sane also discovered that the hype around virginity or more popularly the lack of it is absolutely rubbish. She figured that it was the humans around her that led her to believe that she was perhaps confused and probably lost, when actually her clarity had always been always her guiding light.
“I AM A BADASS for saying no to all those boys!”- Sane ultimately realized.
It’s your Vagina &
it’s your Virginity.
It’s not a Virtue &
it’s never a vice!
Now, you may wonder the pointlessness of what you just read.
Sane isn’t a unicornnion creature with a tale like no other girl's you’ve ever known.
No she is not, we agree!
This was actually to highlight the story of one of the many many virgins not only in India but across the world who may think of virginity as a big deal if they haven’t already concluded it is not. It’s an attempt to shatter the stereotypical ideas that revolve around the virtues of virginity.
Peer pressure maybe intense at times to either wait an eternity for the 'right one' or maybe not wait at all, but it is ultimately your decision. If you want to lose your virginity at an early age, well it’s not recommended but as long as you’re safe, go for it! But if you want to cherish the cherry, it is okay too!
Shed the stigma! Don’t let anyone talk you into something you aren’t keen on doing.
If you still feel pressured, then please be as sane as Sane and talk to someone about it.
THE SUBJECT (SANE) HAS SUBMITTED QUOTES, sotyr & SELF PORTRAITS AT HER OWN FREE WILL.
IMAGES ARE SUBJECT TO COPYRIGHTS BY RIGHTFUL OWNERS.
GRAPhics - bebadass.in
VISUAL SOURCES : GIPHY ; SYMBOLS