Everyone has different definitions and boundaries when it comes to cheating and infedility. In a relationship, it is often important to be on the same page as your partner when it comes to exclusivity, commitment and understandings of the limits of cheating.

1. My boyfriend and I have different definitions of cheating and that is causing a riff between us. He thinks it’s cheating only when it's physical, whereas I think emotional cheating also counts. 

I understand that the distinction between physical and emotional intimacy is causing a rift between you and your boyfriend, and I'm here to help you navigate through this situation. Physical intimacy refers to the physical acts and interactions shared between two individuals, such as kissing, hugging, or sexual activities. On the other hand, emotional intimacy refers to the deep emotional connection, trust, and vulnerability shared between two people, involving sharing personal thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

Both physical and emotional intimacy are important in relationships, but their significance can vary among individuals. While some people may prioritize physical intimacy as the primary way to feel connected and loved, others may place greater emphasis on emotional intimacy and the sense of emotional support and understanding it provides. It's crucial to recognize that everyone has different needs and expectations when it comes to intimacy, and these can evolve over time.

Regarding the notion of cheating, it's common for individuals to have varying definitions and boundaries. Your boyfriend's perspective aligns with the traditional understanding of cheating, which primarily focuses on engaging in physical acts with someone outside the relationship. On the other hand, you consider emotional connections with others as a form of cheating. This discrepancy in perceptions can create conflict and strain within a relationship.

To address this issue, it's important for both of you to engage in open and honest communication. Start by sharing your thoughts and feelings on why emotional intimacy holds significance for you and how it impacts your sense of security within the relationship. Likewise, encourage your boyfriend to express his viewpoint and the reasons behind his emphasis on physical intimacy.

Through this dialogue, seek to understand each other's perspectives without judgement or defensiveness. Remember that empathy plays a crucial role here, as it allows you to truly listen to each other's concerns and validate each other's emotions. Consider exploring the underlying fears and insecurities that might be fueling your different definitions of cheating, as understanding these deeper aspects can help in finding common ground.

Building trust is a gradual process that requires both partners to be committed and actively work on it. Here are some steps to consider:

• Establish clear and open communication

Create a safe space where you can openly discuss your needs, expectations, and concerns. This allows for a deeper understanding of each other's boundaries and helps in finding compromises that honour both perspectives.

• Define relationship boundaries

Together, define what constitutes cheating in your relationship. Establish clear guidelines regarding physical and emotional boundaries, considering both your viewpoints. This will provide a shared understanding of expectations and help minimize misunderstandings.

• Practice active listening

Actively listen to each other without interruption or judgement. Validate each other's feelings and perspectives, even if you don't fully agree. This fosters an environment of trust and emotional connection.

• Reinforce commitment

Reassure each other of your commitment to the relationship. Consistently demonstrate your love, loyalty, and respect through your actions. This can include being emotionally present, showing appreciation, and making an effort to meet each other's needs.

• Seek professional help if needed

If the conflict persists or becomes too challenging to resolve on your own, consider seeking guidance from a couples therapist or a relationship counselor. They can provide valuable insights, tools, and strategies to navigate through these differences and rebuild trust.

Remember, building trust and understanding in a relationship takes time, patience, and mutual effort. By actively engaging in open communication, empathy, and respecting each other's boundaries, you can work towards finding a common understanding and strengthening your relationship. 

2. I was cheated on in my first relationship and it's been 5 years since and I have major trust issues now. I haven’t been able to trust anyone who I’ve been with and it drives them away. How can I know someone won’t cheat on me and break my heart again?

I'm sorry to hear about the pain you've experienced due to being cheated on in your first relationship. Betrayal can indeed have a profound impact on our body and mind, leaving deep scars that can make it challenging to trust again. The wounds caused by betrayal can affect our ability to believe in the faithfulness and reliability of others, leading to heightened anxiety and fear of being hurt again.

When we experience such a profound betrayal, it can shape our perception of future relationships. We may start to expect similar patterns of betrayal and project our past hurt onto new partners, making it difficult to approach relationships with an open heart and fresh eyes. It's essential to acknowledge that this fear and skepticism are valid responses to the pain you've endured.

To move forward, it's crucial to process these concerns and work on rebuilding trust. Start by taking the time to heal from the past wounds and understand how they have impacted your ability to trust. This may involve seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and create a safe space for you to express your emotions and fears.

In the process of healing, it's important to remind yourself that not all individuals are the same. While your previous experience was painful, it doesn't mean that everyone will betray your trust. Each new relationship is an opportunity for a fresh start, and it requires a leap of faith to give someone a chance to prove themselves trustworthy.

Open communication plays a vital role in building trust. Be honest with your partner about your past experiences and the trust issues you are currently facing. Sharing your concerns can help them understand your perspective and provide an opportunity for them to reassure you and demonstrate their commitment to building trust.

It's also essential to set and communicate your needs in the relationship. Clearly define what you require to feel secure and build trust. This may include open and honest communication, reassurance, transparency, or certain boundaries that help you feel more comfortable. By expressing your needs, you give your partner an opportunity to support you in rebuilding trust.

Remember that trust is a process that takes time. It may not be restored overnight, but with patience, understanding, and consistent actions from both partners, it can be rebuilt. It's important to be gentle with yourself and acknowledge that healing and trust-building are gradual journeys.

Lastly, consider practicing self-care and self-compassion. Prioritize your emotional well-being and engage in activities that bring you joy and help you build a sense of self-worth. By nurturing yourself, you'll be better equipped to navigate the complexities of trust and relationships.

If you find that your trust issues persist and significantly impact your ability to form meaningful connections, it may be beneficial to continue working with a therapist or counselor who can provide ongoing support and guidance tailored to your specific needs.

For more go to www.tanyamaliktherapy.com