You have the right to create a healthy and positive environment for yourself, even if it means distancing yourself from toxic family members. You are not powerless, and there are steps you can take to protect your well-being. You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, and it's important to prioritise your mental health and self-care as you navigate challenging situations when it comes to your lived experiences with family.

Q1. The patriarch of my family is being toxic and turned my whole family against me. I’m struggling with this pain and the helplessness since he is the primary provider and I feel like I can’t do much. What should I do?

It's important to remember that you are not alone, and you have the right to set boundaries and take steps towards self-care and healing. My heart goes out to you for experiencing the pain and helplessness caused by a toxic patriarch in your family. 

First, it's important to engage in introspection and reflect on your own actions and emotions. Recognize that the toxic behaviour of the patriarch is not your fault, and you are not responsible for his actions. However, you can take control of your own responses and behaviours. Consider how you can assert yourself in a way that aligns with your values and self-respect.

When communicating with the patriarch and other family members, use assertive communication techniques. Clearly express your feelings and needs, using "I" statements, and avoid blaming or attacking language. Be honest about the impact of the toxic behaviour on your well-being and set clear and healthy boundaries to protect yourself from further harm. Remember, it's okay to prioritise your mental health and well-being.

To calm your anxiety, consider practising mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation. These techniques can help you ground yourself in the present moment and manage the overwhelming emotions that may arise from dealing with toxic family dynamics. Additionally, seek support from trusted friends, family members, or a therapist who can provide a safe space for you to process your feelings and develop coping strategies.

Remember, you have the right to create a healthy and positive environment for yourself, even if it means distancing yourself from toxic family members. You are not powerless, and there are steps you can take to protect your well-being. You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, and it's important to prioritise your mental health and self-care as you navigate this challenging situation.

Q2. How can I deal with childhood trauma and with situations that trigger my childhood abuse?

I’m sorry that you’re having to deal with childhood trauma and triggers from past abuse – It is not your fault. Please remember that healing from childhood trauma is a journey that may also require professional support.

One technique that may help is cognitive reframing. This involves recognizing that the beliefs and thought patterns formed during childhood may no longer serve you as an adult. You can practise challenging and reframing negative thoughts or beliefs that may be linked to your childhood trauma. Replace them with healthier and more positive thoughts that align with your current reality and self-worth.

Another helpful technique is grounding. When triggered, it's important to bring yourself back to the present moment. You can use grounding techniques such as focusing on your breath, using your senses to notice your surroundings, or engaging in physical activities like squeezing a stress ball. These techniques can help you stay present and regulate your emotions.

Self-care is crucial in dealing with childhood trauma. Prioritise self-care activities that promote your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. This may include regular exercise, healthy eating, quality sleep, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation.

Setting boundaries is also essential. Learn to set clear and healthy boundaries with others to protect yourself from triggering situations. It's okay to say no when needed, and surround yourself with supportive and understanding individuals who respect your boundaries.

Consider seeking support from a qualified therapist or counsellor who specialises in trauma therapy. A therapist can provide you with a safe and non-judgmental space to process your emotions, develop coping strategies, and guide you in your healing journey.

Remember, healing from childhood trauma takes time and self-compassion. Be patient with yourself and practice self-care as you navigate your emotions and triggers. You deserve to prioritise your well-being and seek professional help as needed to support your healing process. You are not alone, and there is support available to help you on your healing journey.

For more go to www.tanyamaliktherapy.com