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Is Monogamy "Natural" For Human Beings?
Published in  
Buzz
 on  
October 9, 2021

Is Monogamy "Natural" For Human Beings?

“If you truly love somebody, then you will never be attracted to anybody else.”- How true is that?

Ever since my childhood, all the movies I watched, the art I consumed, and the company I kept, told me that monogamy and emotional fidelity were the thumb rules.

At the tender age of 12, I had my first heartbreak when my then partner cheated me on.

It was an uncomfortable roller coaster ride, a shattering of the fairy tale dream- the usual consequence of an innocent mind first witnessing the undoing of myth. I was both scared and surprised that the Bollywood ‘do jism ek jaan’ phenomenon did not come with a lifelong guarantee.

As I grew up, I gradually learnt from experience, that most of the ideas fed to us are idealized, rigid norms of an unrelenting moral fabric.

They say, “If you truly love somebody, then you will never be attracted to anybody else.”

Well, science believes otherwise.

According to reports, “From around 5000 species of mammals including human beings, only 3 to 5 percent tend to form monogamous, lifelong relationships.”

Human beings were primarily promiscuous. One kept many partners (polygamy), until the pressing burden of a changing economic system proved monogamy to be a more viable alternative.

What we hail as moral victory, was born out of economic necessity, and not a greater vision.

When in committed relationships, there is a nagging voice patrolling our affections. The slightest attraction towards somebody other than one’s immediate partner, sends alarm bells ringing in their mind. Often, the flawed reasoning of the gatekeepers of high morality, lead one to confuse this purely physical attraction for true love.

Life would have been significantly simpler if somebody had taught us to think beyond binaries; beyond air-tight compartments of right and wrong.

Christopher Ryan, PhD of Psychology, and co-author of ‘Sex at Dawn’, says that human beings are more closely related to chimps and bonobos than any other primates, and thus show a strong similarity in sexual habits.

Ryan observes that male bonobos have external testicles, which he compared to having an extra fridge in the garage- signaling at a “party” that could “happen at any moment”. It indicates promiscuity.

The female bonobos too are equipped to have sex at any given moment, since they can engage in sex through 90 percent of their menstrual cycle.

Humans, chimps, as well as bonobos, don’t just use sex as a means for reproduction, but to establish a bond with their partner.

Ryan asserts that our primal urge to be promiscuous is deeply embedded and very present in our subconscious. He jokes about monogamy and fidelity being the morally right path by saying, “Just because you have chosen to be a vegetarian, doesn’t mean that bacon stops smelling good.”

We were not made to be cut and shaped into socially accepted ways of existence. The first step towards self-love and bodily autonomy is accepting the reality of your instincts.

In Fleabag’s ultimate monologue in Season One, she says, “I fuck everything...Either everyone feels like this a little bit and they’re just not talking about it or I am completely fucking alone, which isn’t fucking funny.”

Fleabag isn’t alone. Whether out in the open, or still fighting through denial, our bodies are united in their revolt against monopolizing our libido. As long as you are honest about who you are, your body is nobody’s to tame.

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